i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
