I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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