he thought i was a dude.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
