whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
