her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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