i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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