there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
