I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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