he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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