just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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