Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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