i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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