official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
