I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize