If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
