Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Randomize
