its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
