i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
