Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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