if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
