They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Randomize
