I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
