Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
