she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize