so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
