we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
