the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
