So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
