Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
