i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
