No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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