shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
