I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
