I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize