We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
