i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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