Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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