The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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