All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize