Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
