I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
