His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
