I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
