Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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