Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
