and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize