I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
