I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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