I wanna passion pit in your ass
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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