so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
