When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
