i don't like sucking hair
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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