i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
