What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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