It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
