these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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