oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
