Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
