I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
