...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
