i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
