She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
