So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
