I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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