you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
