I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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