Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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