I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
