What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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