I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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