my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
