true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
