Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
