I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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