I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize