You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
