I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
