omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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