Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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