life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
