i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
