she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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