But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
