I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
