There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
