I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dear god my vagina.
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