I can tuck mytits in my pants
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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